Why is it that when I had made up my mind not to use, I ended up doing so anyway?
In trying to get an answer to this disturbing question, I found a model of human psychology that helped to make sense of my thoughts and reactions. The model is known as IFS or Internal Family Systems.
Internal Family Systems is a perspective that understands our inner reality as made up of interactions between parts that are performing roles.
Under this model, a human is not seen a single hugely complex personality riddled with internal inconsistencies. Instead we are thought of as a whole, made up of parts that have their own beliefs about the world, and who are trying to perform valueabe roles or protect us and help us survive.
When faced with a situation that is threatening or overwhelming, a part can arise that carries the burden of that situation. A part creates it’s own meaning about what happened, which can manifest in in beliefs, thought patterns, bodily sensations etc.
When past traumas or unhealed emotional wounds are triggered, a part can take over the system. In IFS terms, the part becomes blended. Then the part’s specific beliefs, emotions, memories, behaviours and coping strategies come to dominate the individual.
The model of a human being in IFS shows with precision and detail the ways that emotional and cognitive resources are diverted towards the system’s protection and survival after an overhwhelming experience or trauma.
Categories of IFS parts in addiction
When we talk about addiction from the IFS perspective, two categories of parts involved in active addiction are Managers and Firefighters, both of which function as protectors. A third type, the Exile, is the unconscious part bearing intense emotions and extreme behaviours, which Managers and Firefighters are attempting to contain.
Managers look to the future, and try to organise our life, at work and with family. They expend effort to create and maintain an identity in social settings, and try to keep us far from emotional pain for as long as possible.
Managers in addiction can become hyper vigilant and be scanning for threats. Their worst fears come from extreme reactions from other parts, such as self harm, rage, extreme substance abuse, suicidality.
Types of Manager Parts
Controller / Rule Maker: Sets strict rules about use – eg “only on weekends,” “never before 5pm,” “I’ll quit after this bottle”. Tries to manage the addiction through willpower and structure.
The Perfectionist — Aims high and tries to ensure flawless performances at work, in parenting or social situations. Compensates for the shame of addiction, or to “prove” to people that the individual is normal.
The Inner Critic / Shamer — Berates and degrades after a relapse or binge. Believes harsh judgment can deter future use, even though it usually triggers more shame, which feeds the firefighter cycle.
The Caretaker — Focuses on managing other people’s needs and emotions, and distract from one’s own pain, to maintain a sense of worth, or to keep peace in relationships strained by the addiction.
Inner Critic Dimensions
From: Jay Earley (2016) Self-Therapy, Vol. 3: A Step-by-Step Guide to Using IFS for Eating Issues, Procrastination, the Inner Critic, Depression, Perfectionism, Anger, Communication, and More
Exiles are hurt and vulnerable parts of us, usually from childhood, that have been relegated from our awareness into the unconscious. They carry our emotional pain. We don’t have to know that they exist for them to impact our lives.
Managers and firefigters try and prevent the exile from surfacing. But they lack the capacity to witness the burden the exile is bearing.
Exile burdens
Examples of exile beliefs and Burdens
- “I’m fundamentally unlovable” — formed by a child who was repeatedly criticized, ignored, or rejected by a caregiver, and concluded the problem must be something wrong with them, not the caregiver’s behavior.
- “I’m fundamentally broken or defective” — common after chronic shaming, bullying, or abuse, where the exile internalized the harm done to them as proof of an inner flaw.
- “I don’t matter / I’m invisible” — carried by a child consistently overlooked in favor of a sibling, a parent’s crisis, or a family’s other priorities.
- “It’s my fault” — extremely common after abuse, neglect, parental divorce, or a parent’s addiction or mental illness — children frequently take on responsibility for events entirely outside their control because it gives a false sense of agency over chaos.
“People will always leave eventually” — formed after abandonment, a parent’s death, repeated foster placements, or a caregiver’s emotional unavailability. - “It’s not safe to need anyone” — formed when reaching out for comfort was met with rejection, ridicule, or punishment, so the exile concluded dependence itself is dangerous.
- “The world is fundamentally unsafe” — carried by exiles who experienced violence, chaotic households, or unpredictable caregiving, generalized into a global sense of threat.
- “If people really knew me, they’d leave” — often paired with shame burdens; the exile hides because it believes its true self is the reason for past rejection.
Firefighters
They do what it takes to save someone. They act to protect against pain, shame and overwhelming emotions by soothing, numbing or distracting. Firefighters can take to self medication with drugs and alcohol.
Their reactions unfold in the present moment, often with intense urgency. This is the part most often associated with active addiction.
Types of addictive firefighters
The Substance User — The most direct firefighter: drinking, using drugs, or other substance-based numbing to flood out unbearable feeling fast.
The Binger — Compulsive eating used to flood the body with sensations to drown out emotional pain.
The Rager — Explosive anger or aggression, taking out pain and frustration on someone that is safe.
The Sexual Actor-Out — Compulsive sexual behavior or pornography use to flood the system with intensity as an escape.
The Spender — Compulsive shopping, or other high-stimulation/high-risk behavior such as gambling that generates an adrenaline rush powerful enough to override emotional pain.
The Screen Escaper — Compulsive use of phones, gaming, or media to vanish into a different mental space entirely, away from the felt experience of distress.
IFS treats addiction as a process. Exiles fill up with emotion and erupt, firefighters run to the rescue to try and sooth, numb, distract, and managers try to control the behaviours of the exiles and firefighters, often by rule setting and shaming. This fills up exiles with emotions, and the cycle repeats with more polarization and escalation by managers and firefighters.
Addictive cycle according to IFS
In some recovery communities, addiction is viewed as a moral failing on the part of the addict. Through IFS lens though, the addictive cycle is characterised by polarisation and escalation between Manager parts and Firefighter parts.
- Exiles who feel deficient, inadequate, and abandoned activate due to external interactions or challenges in life.
- Managers ignore or try to contain these vulnerable parts by getting busy, concentrating on tasks or the needs of others. They might use criticism to goad the exile into improving and becoming acceptable.
- Noting the exile’s distress and shamefulness, firefighters take over, using substances and various practices – “whatever it takes” – to mask or medicate emotional pain.
- Exiles feel sick, degraded, fearful, and isolated.
- Managers mobilize again:
- Task managers frantically mobilize to get operations back on track in hopes of regaining fleeting control and salvaging some self-respect.
- Critical, moralizing managers attack, vilify, and shame firefighters for their repeated transgressions.
- Firefighters return to the addictive practice again (something, anything!) to further medicate the pain, block out the shame, and deny consequences.
- Vulnerable exiles, unsought and unwanted, feel abandoned again, which reinforces their sense of being hopeless and unlovable. The cycle continues.
Adapted from : Internal Family Systems Therapy for Addictions: Trauma-Informed, Compassion-Based Interventions for Substance Use, Eating, Gambling and More, Cece Sykes.
Recovery and Healing in IFS
The following broad steps are involved in recovery under the IFS approach:
Identify and build a relationship with your protector parts: Become aware and befriend firefighter parts. “Get curious, not furious”. Recognise firefighters are trying to protect the self, they react to exiled pain. Manager parts—such as perfectionism or self-criticism—may be working in overdrive. Pacing the work and asking the managers about their fears, which may be rooted in shame, can help the managers relax and let go.
Unburden exiled parts: Exiled parts in addiction carry emotions connected to abuse, neglect, betrayal, abandonment, or other past traumas. Unburdening involves acknowledging, exploring, and procesing exiled parts and their burdens, in safe, healthy ways.
Find healthier ways to meet firefighter needs: Someone who has an addiction to pornography, for instance, may have a firefighting part that seeks out explicit content to cope with feelings of loneliness or low self-esteem. Healthier coping strategies, such as connecting with others or doing creative activities, may be explored as alternatives.
Transform manager parts into more supportive and nurturing ones: In the example of a person who has a food-related addiction, their manager parts might berate and shame their eating habits or their beliefs about body image and self-worth. This person’s therapist can help them cultivate self-acceptance and self-compassion, which can open the door to healthier relationships with food and their body.
Integrate all parts and foster self-leadership. Integration happens when all the parts begin to trust and rely on the self as the leader. The self takes on the role of a wise guide, making decisions that align with the person’s values and goals.
The therapeutic effect of IFS based treatments
In a scientific study from 2020, by Hodgdon et al., it was observed that over 16 IFS treatment sessions, there was a significant reduction in PTSD symptoms for people who had a history of childhood trauma.
The neurobiological foundations of how IFS works
Memory Reconsolidation and Integration:
IFS facilitates memory reconsolidation by accessing and compassionately reprocessing traumatic memories held by parts, fostering adaptive neural rewiring and emotional healing (Ecker et al., 2012).
Cortical-Limbic Regulation:
Activation of compassionate Self-energy engages prefrontal cortex regulation over limbic activation, reducing emotional dysregulation, hyperarousal, and trauma symptoms (van der Kolk, 2015).
Enhanced Neural Integration:
Neurobiological research suggests IFS promotes enhanced functional connectivity between prefrontal and subcortical regions, supporting sustained integration of traumatic experiences and emotional regulation (Lanius, Vermetten, & Pain, 2020).
References
1. Cece Sykes (2023) – Internal Family Systems Therapy for Addictions
2. Cece Sykes (2023) – A Compassionate Conversation about “Addictive” Processes with Cece Sykes –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx0n7o-b5aI
3. Kenny Dennis (2021) – Internal Family Systems Introduction –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQLtdIsLjLI&t=179s
4. Richard Schwartz (2021 ) – No Bad Parts
5. Jeremy Holmes – Search for a Secure Base
6. Jay Earley (2016) Self-Therapy, Vol. 3: A Step-by-Step Guide to Using IFS for Eating Issues, Procrastination, the Inner Critic, Depression, Perfectionism, Anger, Communication, and More
7. Robert Bogenberger (2024) Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for addiction – https://therapist.com/types-of-therapy/internal-family-systems-ifs/ifs-therapy-addiction/
8. Hodgdon et al. (2020) Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) among Survivors of Multiple Childhood Trauma: A Pilot Effectiveness Study – https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10926771.2021.2013375#abstract
9. Psychotraumatology – Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy (2025) – Online article: https://iptrauma.org/docs/evidence-based-trauma-therapies-and-models/internal-family-systems-ifs-therapy/
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