Sober Synthesis

What is forgiveness and why is it important?

• Forgiveness is a change in mental state in which a person decides and succeeds in eliminating or minimizing anger toward another person who has deliberately (perceived or factual) done something unfair or harmful to them.

• Children start to pay attention to both causing harm and forgiveness very young (1 y.o.).
• Practicing forgiveness is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, hostility; reduced substance abuse; improved physical health; higher self-esteem; and greater life satisfaction. 
• Research suggests that the areas in the brain associated with forgiveness are dominant in the limbic system (emotion), rather than in the areas of the cortex (cognition). An essential key is to be able to perceive the other person’s perspective (empathy).
• Forgiveness should not be forced or attempted before one has identified, fully felt, expressed, and released the anger and pain.
• It’s important to stress that forgiveness takes time. A meta-analysis of all research that measured the impact of forgiveness interventions found that a factor as simple as the amount of time someone spent trying to forgive was highly related to the actual degree of forgiveness experienced.
• Neuroscience demonstrates that “fake it till you make it” is not effective.

Tools

• REACH Forgiveness Five Steps
  • R = Recall the hurt
  • E = Empathize with your offender
  • A = Altruistic gift
  • C = Commit
  • H = Hold onto forgiveness

DIY Workbooks — Everett Worthington (evworthington-forgiveness.com)

Psychology of Forgiveness: 10+ Fascinating Research Findings (positivepsychology.com)

Eight Keys to Forgiveness | Greater Good (berkeley.edu)

• Therapy can be very helpful, especially when trauma is a factor. 

Proposed questions for thought/sharing:

1. How has forgiving someone supported your recovery/wellness? Do you have any resources to share that helped you forgive?

2. Are you contemplating forgiving someone? How do you think that forgiveness will support your recovery/wellness?

3. Have you wanted to forgive someone and had challenges doing so?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.