Sober Synthesis

“Forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging of all the resources available to us–and the most transformational,” writes Shauna Shapiro in Rewire Your Mind: Discover the Science + Practice of Mindfulness (2020).

Self-Criticism

• Our tendency to be critical of ourselves evolved to, in moderation, enhance learning.
• Regret
  • Regrets are feelings of disappointment and/or sadness in response to a perceived “missed opportunity” or the loss of something potentially valuable. 
  • Regrets can inspire behavior and perception shifts, leading to improved decision-making and outcomes. Excessive regret negatively impacts mental and physical health, and acts as a barrier to forgiveness and healing in relationships.
• Guilt
  • Guilt is often a healthy response and arises from experiencing responsibility or remorse for past actions or behaviors that have harmed or wronged others. Chronic guilt negatively impacts mental and physical health, and acts as a barrier to emotional and relationship growth.  
• Shame 
  • Shame is a feeling that our whole self is wrong. People who experience traumatic events and/or neglect are more likely to feel shame, particularly if we blame ourselves for what happened or failed to happen. 

Self-Healing

• Self-compassion
  • Self-compassion is the practice of treating oneself with kindness and understanding during times of personal struggle or setback.
• Self-forgiveness 
  • Self-forgiveness focuses specifically on the process of letting go of self-blame and negative emotions associated with personal mistakes, regrets, or transgressions. 
  • Self-forgiveness improves our emotional and physical health and productivity.
• Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are interconnected and mutually reinforcing. They are both rooted in gentleness toward oneself, while maintaining accountability.
• Healthy self-forgiveness can occur independent of forgiveness from others.

Self-Healing Activities/Tools

• The benefits of self-forgiveness – Scope (stanford.edu)
• 6 Science-Based Self-Compassion Exercises | Psychology Today
• 10 Ways to Release Regret | Psychology Today

Self-Healing Guidelines

• Movement is the #1 most effective way to break out of emotional paralysis (e.g. a rumination loop) in order to engage in a self-healing activity.
• Mindfulness is a powerful activity to decrease emotional arousal and increase self observation in order to engage in a self-healing activity.
• There are a variety of other research validated self-healing toolkits available on-line or in books. 
• It is important to recognize that any self-healing process is generally not linear. 
• Therapy can be very helpful, especially when trauma is a factor.

Proposed questions for thought and/or sharing:

1. How has self-forgiveness and self-compassion supported your recovery/wellness? Do you have any resources to share that helped you strengthen self-forgiveness and self-compassion?

2. Have you tried to forgive yourself and had challenges doing so? What may be your barriers to self-forgiveness and/or self-compassion?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.