Sober Synthesis

“Self-compassion is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings… With self-compassion we mindfully accept that the moment is painful, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.”

–Kristin Neff

“Self-compassion is key because when we’re able to be gentle with ourselves in the midst of shame, we’re more likely to reach out, connect, and experience empathy.”

– Brene Brown

What is the Difference Between Self-Esteem, Self-Forgiveness, and Self-Compassion?

• Self-esteem refers to how we evaluate ourselves.
  • Self-esteem is often based on external factors and the opinions of others about our worth.
• Self-forgiveness 
  • Self-forgiveness focuses specifically on the process of letting go of self-blame and negative emotions associated with personal mistakes, regrets, or transgressions. 
• Self-compassion is not based on positive judgments or evaluations, it is a way of relating to ourselves, especially after making a mistake or a failure.
  • Many animals and all mammals have a care-giving attachment system. This care-giving system depends on the neurotransmitter oxytocin. Self compassion increases levels of oxytocin that strongly increase feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness, and facilitates the ability to feel compassion for ourselves. 
• By contrast, self-criticism activates another biological system – the threat system (amygdala), which produces a fight-or-flight response in the body.  

• Dr. Neff’s research supports identifying and altering these three theoretical domains to increase self-compassion.
  • Self-kindness vs Self-judgment
  • Common Humanity vs Isolation
  • Mindfulness vs Avoidance and Over-identification. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. Mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.

What Activities Enhance Self-Compassion?

• Movement is the #1 most effective way to break out of emotional paralysis (e.g. a rumination loop) in order to engage in a self-healing activity.
• Mindfulness is a powerful activity to decrease emotional arousal and increase self observation in order to engage in a self-healing activity.
• There are a variety of other research validated self-healing toolkits available on-line or in books. 
• It is important to recognize that any self-healing process is generally not linear. 
• Therapy can be very helpful, especially when trauma is a factor.

The benefits of self-forgiveness – Scope (stanford.edu)

6 Science-Based Self-Compassion Exercises | Psychology Today

10 Ways to Release Regret | Psychology Today

Proposed Questions for thought/sharing:

1. Do you recall a time when you responded to a mistake or failure with self compassion? How?
2. Do you recall when you did not respond to a mistake or failure with self compassion? How?
3. What activities have helped you increase your self-compassion?
4. What activities do you plan to start doing to increase your self-compassion?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.