Sober Synthesis

What Are Our Core Biological Instincts?

• Self-preservation, Reproduction, Socialization, Curiosity, and Creativity 
  • Our self-preservation instinct supersedes our other instincts.
  • Our instincts are influenced by environmental conditioning.
    • For example, we develop relationship attachment styles in response to our early parent-child interactions.
  • By understanding and working with our instincts, rather than fighting against them, we can achieve a greater sense of self compassion and purpose in life.

How Can We Work with Our Instincts?

• Listen to the signals our body is sending
  • Our body senses what is authentic and liberating versus what’s untrue and constricting. Our body sensations are our source of “feelings”. Emotions are the language to interpret our feelings.
• An Internal Family Systems Perspective (Dr. Richard Schwartz).
  • A theory that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or “families” within each person’s sense of self.
  • Core self includes these 8 qualities:
    • Curiosity
    • Calm
    • Confidence
    • Compassion
    • Courage
    • Clarity
    • Creativity
    • Connection
  • Exiles develop in response to a perceived threat to self-preservation.
    • The most vulnerable, sensitive parts of a person.
    • These parts carry burdens like shame, worthlessness, terror, and deep emotional pain.
    • Often formed in childhood when traumatic experiences occur.
    • They are generally subconscious and/or consciously locked away because they feel overwhelming and painful to confront.
  • Protectors exist to protect (perceived self-preservation) the person from feeling the pain of the exiles.
    • 2 main types of protectors:
      • Managers
        • Focused on control, responsibility, and keeping life organized.
          • Seek to prevent situations that might trigger the exiles.
          • Common roles include perfectionism, people-pleasing, workaholism, hyper-vigilance, and being overly self-critical.
        • Firefighters
          • Act impulsively to distract from or numb the pain when exiles break through.
          • Function in an opposite way from managers: while managers are controlling, firefighters are reactive.

https://positivepsychology.com/internal-family-systems-therapy/

How Can We Recognize and “Let Go” of “Protectors”?

• A Self-compassion practice
• A Mindfulness practice
• Self exploration of internal protectors
  • Think about a protector part you have
  • Once you identify a protector part, notice its voice, emotion, thought pattern, or sensation.
  • Observe where it feels located, either inside or around the body.
  • Notice how you feel toward this protector part:
    • Do you dislike it and wish it would go away?
    • Do you fear it?
    • Do you resent its control?
    • Do you depend on it?
  • If you feel anything other than curiosity or openness, it means other protectors are interfering.
  • This is not about letting the part take over, just about understanding it.
  • Some key questions to ask:
    • “What do you want me to know about yourself?”
    • “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this role inside of me?”
    • “Can I extend some appreciation to you for trying to keep me safe, even if it hasn’t always worked”.
    • “If I could heal or change what you are protecting, what would you like to do instead of for me?”
    • “What do you need from me going forward?”

Proposed Questions for thought/sharing:

1. If this information/perspective is new, how might this support your ongoing recovery/health and wellness?
2. If this information/perspective is familiar, did this “mindset” help support your ongoing recovery/health and wellness? If not, what were your barriers?
3. Are there other activities/strategies that helped you “let go” of shame and other maladaptive behaviors?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.