Sober Synthesis

 “Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” — Rumi 

Basic Principles about Grief

• Grief often includes the strong emotions of pain/sadness/anger and a strong need/craving/desire/longing for something or someone that is now “out of reach”, a lost connection. 
• Although challenging, working through regrets (what ifs) is essential to healthy grief and healing. 

Types of Grief Without Death

• Ambiguous Grief: Dr. Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous loss to describe the feelings of grief, confusion, and uncertainty that can occur when someone is mourning the loss of a loved one who is still alive but fundamentally not the same person they used to be. 
  • Mental illness
  • Alzheimer’s disease or dementia
  • Brain injury
• Anticipatory Grief
  • Terminal illness: If a loved one has been diagnosed with a poor prognosis, their family and friends may begin to experience anticipatory grief as they prepare for the eventual loss.
  • Aging and declining health: As a person gets older and their health begins to decline, family members and caregivers may start to experience anticipatory grief as they come to terms with their loved one’s limited time.
• Grief From a Major Life Change
  • Estrangement or cutting off communication with a family member or close friend.
  • Divorce or separation

How is Grief Different When Someone is Still Alive?

1. The lack of closure: When someone is still alive, it can be difficult to come to terms with their loss and to move forward in your grieving process.
2. The guilt: You may feel guilty for experiencing feelings of grief, especially if your loved one is still alive and facing their own challenges.
3. The social stigma: Grief is often associated with death, so it can be challenging to find support and understanding when grieving someone who is still alive. 
4. The complexity: Grieving someone who is still alive can be particularly challenging because it can involve a complex mix of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. 
5. The fear of losing them: When you are grieving someone who is still living, you may be faced with the fear of losing them in the future. 

Activities That Support Healthy Grief:

• Embrace and validate your emotions
• Practice self-care
• Connect with a support system
• Find others in the same situation
• Goodbye Rituals
• Allow yourself time to mourn
• Work through unfinished business with a therapist

  Proposed questions for thought/sharing:

1. Have you grieved the loss of a connection/relationship before death in a manner that supported your recovery/health and wellness? How?
2. Are you currently experiencing grief from the loss of a connection/relationship before death? How are you supporting and/or struggling with your grieving process?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.