Sober Synthesis

“Ambivalence is a wonderful tune to dance to. It has a rhythm all its own.” – Erica Jong

The Difference Between Ambivalence, Indifference, and Complacency

• Ambivalence: the simultaneous existence of conflicting emotions, attitudes, or feelings towards a particular person, object, or situation. It is characterized by the coexistence of contradictory ideas, beliefs, or opinions. 
  • Without awareness, it may interfere with making a clear and decisive choice or form a definitive opinion.
  • In the “Stages of Change” model, ambivalence is a core feature of the contemplation stage. 
  • Especially in early recovery, you may have a first-order desire, “I want to drink,” as well as a second-order desire, “I want not to want to drink.” You just want to be able to drink normally. The wanting to drink is often not a purely psychological state. Your body may be craving alcohol’s effect.
• Indifference: having no particular interest or concern.
• Complacency: the feeling of contentment or self satisfaction, often coupled with an unawareness or denial of danger, trouble, or controversy.

Ambivalence as a Potential Strength

• The word “ambivalent” comes from the Latin, “ambi,” meaning both and “valentia,” meaning strength or vigor. It is not a sign of weakness.
• Ambivalence can foster empathy and insight.
• Embracing some ambivalence may be liberating. People with long-term recovery, especially when they are attentive to and intentional in their own recovery, might be people who embrace ambivalence. 

Addressing Ambivalence Paralysis

When ambivalence holds you back from making an important decision or a necessary change. 

1. Make a pros and cons list.
2. Coexist with your ambivalence: If you need to make a decision and the clock is ticking, you don’t have to resolve your ambivalence to move ahead.
3. Clarify your values.
4. Listen to your ambivalence: If you’re pushing away one set of thoughts or feelings, you might instead try to hear them out.
5. A mindfulness practice may be very helpful.
6. Working with a therapist may be helpful.

Proposed Questions for Thought/Sharing:

1. Have you worked through ambivalence in your recovery? How?
2. Is ambivalence interfering with a future change that you want to make? 
3. Has this information changed your mindset about the potential strengths of ambivalence? If so, how?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.