Sober Synthesis

 “The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfill everyone’s needs.”

— Marshall B. Rosenberg

Topic: Compassionate Communication 

Neuroscience Background

• Our brain is designed to detect trust and distrust in our communications. 
  • Trust and distrust are mediated by two separate areas of the brain: trust by the prefrontal cortex and distrust by the amygdala
  • Distrust activates the amygdala to release cortisol and other “fight or flight” neurochemicals.When these neurochemicals rule over our bodies, we are unable to engage cooperatively and connect.
  • Trust engages the prefrontal cortex with the release of oxytocin and other neurochemicals that promote connection and learning. The prefrontal cortex helps us make judgment calls, have empathy and compassion, and anticipate the future.

Compassionate Communication, also referred to as Nonviolent Communication

•  Four Components 
  • Observation: Observation without judgment consists of noticing concrete things and actions around us.
  • Feeling: When we notice things around us, we inevitably experience varying emotions and physical sensations. Distinguishing feelings from thoughts is an essential step. 
  • Needs: We have needs and values that sustain and enrich our lives. When those needs are met, we experience comfortable feelings, like happiness or peacefulness, and when they are not, we experience uncomfortable feelings, like frustration. 
  • Request: To make clear and present requests is crucial. When we learn to request concrete actions that can be carried out in the present moment, we begin to find ways to cooperatively and creatively ensure that everyone’s needs are met. 
• Two Parts 
  • Empathy: Receiving from the heart creates a means to connect with others and share experiences in a life enriching way. Empathy goes beyond compassion, allowing us to put ourselves into another’s shoes to sense the same feelings and understand the same needs of others even in extreme situations that are often difficult to handle.
  • Honesty: Giving from the heart has its root in honesty. Honesty begins with truly understanding ourselves and our own needs, and being in tune with what is alive in us in the present moment. When we learn to give ourselves empathy, we can start to break down the barriers to communication that keep us from connecting with others.

Supportive Activities

• Mindfulness activities
• Role Play

Your Complete Non-Violent Communication Guide (positivepsychology.com)

A Beginner’s Guide to Compassionate Communication (thinkbetteracademy.com)

Proposed questions for thought/sharing:

1. In recovery, have you noticed changes in your communications with others? How have they changed?
2. How do you want to change your communications with others? Where and with whom would you like to start? 
3. Does this communication model give you some ideas to approach challenging communications in the future?

Disclaimer: This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.