Sober Synthesis

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change” – Brene Brown

What is chronic shame?

• Transient Shame: a temporary feeling you get when you make a mistake, perhaps in a social setting. 
• Guilt: I did something regrettable; leads to healthy remorse. 
• Embarrassment: Triggered by an event that is normal, fleeting, and may eventually even be amusing. 
• Humiliation: one of the most intense forms of shame and comes about when we are critically embarrassed about something.
• Chronic shame: I am bad, flawed, unworthy, unfixable; part of your core identity rather than a transient state.
  • Impairs social functioning, emotional, and physical functioning.

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• Implicit Chronic Shame
  • Involves living not with shame, but with a pervasive sense of inadequacy, insecurity and inferiority.
  • One’s experience is structured around avoiding shameful exposure.
  • This ‘threat’ of shameful exposure may not register in conscious awareness while strongly influencing one’s behavior, disposition and interactions.
• Explicit Chronic Shame
  • An experience of having a conscious and persistent expectation that acute shame is an imminent possibility.  
  • One structures behavior and interactions around avoiding shameful exposure.
  • This ‘threat’ of shameful exposure is registered on a cognitive and emotional level; one is consciously and affectively attuned to the possibility of acute shame arising in a moment of shameful exposure.

What can cause chronic shame?

• An insecure parent-child attachment due to trauma or neglect.
• Being the victim of bullying, especially in childhood. 
• Being the victim of emotional, physical and/or sexual violence as an adult.
• Any mental health disorder that either involves ongoing self-criticism or judgment and/or ongoing rejection/criticism from others.
• Ongoing rejection from others due to pervasive cultural, political, and/or social oppression. 

What biological changes are associated with chronic shame?

• Is activated in right hemisphere processing, especially the  amygdala (makes non-verbal conclusions about how the world works).
• People with chronic shame are even more likely to interpret neutral facial expressions as negative.
• Is associated with heightened “fight or flight” responses (sympathetic nervous system) and subsequent withdrawal/shut down (parasympathetic nervous system). 

What are common behavioral signs of chronic shame?

• Increased anger 
• Narcissism 
• Bullying others 
• Social avoidance/withdrawal
• Addictions
• Compulsive or excessive behaviors like strict dieting, overworking, excessive cleaning
• A losing struggle to achieve perfection.

Why is addressing chronic shame important?

• Unrecognized and/or unaddressed chronic shame is a major relapse risk factor.
  • A common chronic shame cycle is drink/use, shame, drink/use.
• Chronic shame harms physical health, mental health, and interpersonal relationships.

What are ways to address/heal chronic shame?

• Core principles
  •  Neuroplasticity can regulate/heal the impaired neural network drivers of chronic shame.
  • Regulation can occur with “safe” exposure to shame triggers.  
  • Time and patience and support are essential.

• Recognizing chronic shame 
  • Recognizing when chronic shaming is going on in our thoughts and/or defensive behaviors is critical. Learning to see mistakes as behaviors and not as a reflection of self-worth is essential to break the cycle.
• Accepting self 
  • Learning to define ourselves as worthy people is essential. We can learn to have self compassion, to see value and worth in ourselves. Practice self affirming voice.
• Making connections 
  • Connecting with supportive people is essential to see ourselves as part of a loving network. 
• Practice mindfulness 
  • Observing thoughts and feelings helps one recognize certain triggers. Are there certain experiences that lead to feelings of shame? Are there certain unhelpful behavioral defenses to avoid shame? How can one mindfully face these triggers?
• Seek support 
  • Actively participating in self-help meetings, therapy and/or other treatment options provide corrective/healing relationships and support strategies for a recovery/wellness plan that include addressing chronic shame.

Proposed question for thought and/or sharing:

1. Has chronic shame been a factor in your addiction cycle? What were or are your cues that chronic shame has been activated? How have you or how do you plan to address/heal chronic shame?

Disclaimer

This summary is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed.